Where every day is Christmas and every film a gift.
LET US USHER YOU INTO OUR HUMBLE HOUSE…
…AND WIPE YOUR FEET. THIS ISN’T A BARN!
Welcome to Chandler Swain Reviews, or as it is more commonly known on Populist websites within the Free World, and Canada:-a film site where one may express their opinion openly without fear of intimidation, eye rolling, backstabbing, subcutaneous eruptions, hysterical paralysis, Congressional subpoenas, acid reflux, spontaneous combustion or recalcitrant quips. (OK, maybe the last, but certainly not the others.)
JONATHAN WINTERS (NOV. 11, 1925 – APRIL 11, 2013)
THIS SITE PRESENTED IN THE MODERN MIRACLE PROCESS
STILL AT POPULAR PRICES WITHOUT WAITING IN INCONVENIENT TICKET LINES. THE MOST SPECTACULAR EPIC EVER SEEN BY THE CURIOUS EYES OF CIVILIZED MAN, AND YOU ARE THERE TO EXPERIENCE ALL OF THE ANCIENT WONDERS AND FUTURISTIC SENSATIONS THAT COULD ONLY BE REVEALED TO YOU IN THE ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME INTENSELY STIMULATING ADVENTURE OF WHICH POLITE SOCIETY DARES TO BARELY WHISPER THE NAME: CHANDLER SWAIN REVIEWS______________________________________________ DO YOU FIND OTHER MOVIE SITES LEAVE YOU COLD? Welcome to Chandler Swain Reviews, where you may indulge in your personal cinema appetites (and legal in all 50 states plus one or two counties in Ireland): sensibly portioned, reasonably priced and with validated parking, let CHANDLER SWAIN REVIEWS be your destination of choice in exploring the cinema firmament. (10 cent deposit required in MA, MD, VA, RI, NJ. $12 cleaning deposit required in VT, Canada and by guys with mutton chops.)
UPON ENTERING, BE PREPARED TO SURRENDER YOUR FREE WILL TO THE UNCANNY INTELLECT, THE UNSHAKEABLE FORCE OF CEREBRAL OMNIPOTENCE THAT IS CHANDLER SWAIN REVIEWS. KISS OLD NOTIONS OF WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW GOODBYE AND EMBRACE THE REALITY THAT YOU ARE DOOMED FROM THIS DAY FORWARD TO A LIFE OF UNENDING MINDLESS AGREEMENT WITH WHATEVER YOU READ ON THE FOLLOWING PAGES, AS YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER A REALM OF UNPARALLELED ARTISTIC ENLIGHTENMENT, CULTURAL DEPRAVITY AND A LIKING FOR SKITTLES, THE ALL-AMERICAN BREAKFAST CANDY.
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY:_OFFICIAL CSR REVIEWING POLICY
All films reviewed have been previously screened (often dozens of times) in the proper theatrical setting intended by the filmmaker, in keeping with the site’s view that a film has not been properly seen unless viewed- at least once -in its natural theatrical setting. Disagree? That’s why you don’t have control over the page editing keys. But, to continue…
All films reviews, unless otherwise designated, reference the original theatrical version of the film- as God and Country intended.
All films reviewed at this site will be approached on a level critical field. Some titles which contain provocative elements are included and will be dealt with frankly in the estimation of their aesthetic or artistic values. Those films whose content may offend certain readers may be avoided by simply reading their titles and choosing not to do so. This site will never discriminate against films which might confuse, offend or outrage certain readers. The individual reader of the site must choose accordingly to their own tastes. (If this site were to limit its content on the basis of what is child-friendly, there would be no reference to “2001: A Space Odyssey”, a G rated film which if rated solely on whether it might be easily understood by the average tot, would merit an X rating.)
All films reviewed using sheer brain power made possible by being fueled with fully loaded cheeseburgers served at every critic’s favorite roadside house of yummy in Mendon, MA.
Enter all who would regard cinema as an Art Form.H.P.Lovecraft on Art: “the ability of any one man to pin down in some permanent and intelligible medium a sort of idea of what he sees in Nature that nobody else sees. In other words, to make the other fellow grasp, through skilled selective care in interpretative reproduction or symbolism, some inkling of what only the artist himself could possibly see in the actual objective scene itself.”
MARCH MOVIE OF THE MONTH Kirk Douglas Kim Novak in Richard Quine’s 1960 film
“Strangers When We Meet”
DON’T BE SHY, SAY “HI!”
Whether or not you enjoy your stay here at CHANDLER SWAIN REVIEWS, drop us a line. Let us know what’s on your mind, the good the bad and the ugly. (Just keep it clean please.) Here we are an equal opportunity, open minded forum of film thought and all perspectives are welcome and encouraged. (Except Ebertism, but there’s a vaccine for that now, isn’t there?) So, if you happen to drop in, leave a trace of your carbon footprint behind and make your ideas count. And even if you choose not to leave a comment: welcome to our little corner of the World of Cinema.
“Women make wonderful pets.”- Lloyd Nolan in “Michael Shayne, Private Detective”
Before we proceed any further, perhaps it might help if we asked an obvious question: Just who is Chandler Swain anyway (see right) and what is his ultimate goal with this movie site? It might be important while perusing the pages of this site to keep in mind that the mindset on these pages is a fairly “old school” one, following the traditions of the Critical Mind as opposed to the easy methodology of film thought brought forth by the wave of Populism which has swept the country, and has been instrumental in bringing the American version of this most modern of art forms to its lowest creative level ever. The twofold purpose of this site is to both celebrate and excoriate (see below) the cinema form; in that the most primal entertainment values of film may be identified and encouraged, but also pursue a path of illumination on the more artistic aspects of the form. All films, regardless of commercial or artistic permutations should be given equal attention, as every single film, no matter how obscure or seemingly insignificant, contributes to the whole of the form. Since film, aside from the significant aspirations to Art, is also a commercial enterprise, an industry, it stands to reason that the commercial viability of a offensively crass and distastefully banal production may have subsequent negative influences on seemingly unrelated independent or artistically inclined enterprises. As much independence as some filmmakers would like to claim, the form- in the most commercial sense- has evolved (or devolved as some would have it) into a completely synergistic industry. Or something like that. Readers are invited to peruse and comment to their heart’s content. Contrary views are welcome as there is very little that is less stimulating than someone who always agrees with you. Original thought is encouraged, but please… no quoting of that antithesis of lucid film thought- Roger Ebert.
The usefulness of Internet film sites cannot be underestimated, but it is a fatal mistake to think they are a substitution for published critical thought found in either book form or in the still numerous serious film journals available from around the globe. Film sites are merely another resource not an end to themselves. Similar to the incontrovertible concept of actually seeing film in an intended large screen format (regardless of the film’s vintage), it is imperative that the serious cinephiles avail themselves with as much legitimately valuable information and viewpoints on the cinematic as possible. Much of what exists on the Net, in regard to film is fan-based in origin (as is much of the existing newsstand magazine output), and while some are endearingly enthusiastic in nature, it is important for the serious cinephile to not be led by the short leash of sentimental favoritism as opposed to solid philosophic views on the Art of Cinema, based on legitimate avenues of Critical Thought and not merely the winds of nostalgic romanticism.
Much of what is written on blog sites comes from a younger generation of writers, to whom the Internet is the most natural arena of expression; and while opening the field for a more immediate arena of public communication, this extended atmosphere of filmspeak does not necessarily advance the field of criticism in its purest form, but in fact may retard it’s evolution. First of all, there is far too much regressive film experience expressed, in which the same basic films are looked at ad infinitum; usually expressing the same viewpoints which have been studied sometimes for decades. This is where inexperience rears its ugly head; in that the novice enthusiast may make critical overtures that are already well-worn but the writer is unaware of this due to a lack of comprehensive scholarly experience in the field. It is as if, instead of the professor leading the course, each student is standing in a queue for their own opportunity to express the exact same views. This, unfortunately puts critical thought at a moribund standstill.
For film criticism to retain relevance, it is imperative to move beyond the current critical stasis, to elevate the class of film criticism beyond the reductive decades long trend toward reviewing as opposed to critical enlightenment, and to discard the crutches of fatal pollutants of open critical appraisal, such as the Auteur Theory which inevitably lead to a weakened Populist viewpoint rather than the more independent, forward thinking standards of analysis characteristic of The Critical Establishment. _______________________________________________________________
CARE AND FEEDING OF CHANDLER SWAIN REVIEWS, or:
How to Succeed in Negotiating This Site Without Really Trying
The first thing one must remember while visiting Chandler Swain Reviews is that it is set up more as a website rather than a blog site, therefore things are run more inefficiently and with a greater disdain for personal comfort. However, if one remembers that the lifeblood of this site is the main menu at the top of each page, one can easily negotiate the site without encountering too many highway tolls or pesky speed traps. One may notice on page sidebars, both a listing for new features (most are not “posted” as such and will have to be discovered by clever navigating of the site itself) and a list of current feature films playing on these pages. Simply travel to the pages indicated for the movie you wish to view, burn some popcorn and have a great time. All films reviewed on these pages are listed alphabetically on The Film Vault page along with the appropriate location. If there are suggestions about the site, comments or criticisms you’d like to express, feel free. It may be a global internet, but the First Amendment still applies here, and your voice has value. Ciao.
Labor Pains: Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, Sept. 2018 Edition, Vol. 925
The American cinema celebrates many things- vacuous comic book heroics, scatological crudity, infantilism, serial sadism, non-NRA gun violence -but the labors of the American working man and woman are certainly not among them, as according to the lofty view from Hollywood Olympus, the American work ethic is indistinguishable from their keep-at-an-arm’s-length attitude toward the “common” man to whom they haughtily regard as a bilious mass of Red State rubes, hillbillies, Ozarkian inbreeders and Dust Bowl Oakies for whom the designation blue collar is dismissively regarded as a dehumanizing label of revulsion; a metaphorical flea collar to a snarling junkyard mongrel. In other words, Hollywood is not unlike the ungrateful progeny who despise their parents while having no problem living off of their money. However, here at CSR we persevere in spite of such ignorant elitism and in consideration of this year’s celebration of Labor Day, we present this month’s edition of America’s longest running migraine headache, the Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, brought to you by the makers of SKITTLES, America’s favorite breakfast candy. In this edition we celebrate the humble yet underappreciated working stiffs (generally identifiable as those still working on Labor Day, go figure) who are the unsung backbone of the world’s economic engine and the success of noontime food trucks from coast to coast. Each of the following twenty five images features the representation of the American labor force (with a few sympathetic global compatriots thrown in for good measure, though without Russian collusion, so buzz off Mueller) as seen in the movies. Your challenge is to correctly identify all twenty five film titles, and tell us. (Otherwise, you’re just talking to yourself, and that’s just wrong.) The first to do so will receive a recently minted CSR Culture Shock Award, acclaimed by the National Bored of Excessive Immodest Memorialization (hitherto known as The McCains) as this year’s “second most unnecessary waste of tax dollars”. Good luck.
To view vintage postings of the Classic Film Images Photo Quiz series, go to: https://chandlerswainreviews.wordpress.com/retired-puzzles/
HAVE SOMETHING TO EXPRESS?
Have a comment about this site, a film reviewed or just want to chat? Don’t hesitate to write. We may be slow to respond here but everyone’s views are important. Let’s hear from you.