We welcome your interest in furthering your education at Smarterin Universitry, one of the most prestigious centers of leaning on this web page. Here at Smarterin University we take pride in educating a culturally deficient student body, assembling the cinematic wisdom of the ages while collecting your tuition in exchange for a rather worthless piece of sheepskin. Just remember, you may be a curious mind, seeking the fruits of impassioned studies, but we are and always will be Smarterin U.
To begin your application experience, simply view the following film and correctly identify- in order -all of the films featured. a task any alumni of Smarterin U. is be able to accomplish with a minimum of effort.
PERSPECTIVES OF ADVANCED AESTHETIC INTERPRETATION: THE MOVEMENT TOWARD IN PROGRESSIVE STYLISTIC BACK PEDDLING
The course will follow the movement of avant-garde throughout the silent film era beginning Hugo Magbauer’s breakthrough in creating cinema Dadaism after accidentally projecting a Ben Turpin film out of focus. Students will study the artistic effect of superimposition, optical dissolves and touching negatives with unclean fingers after eating a tuna sandwich. Course will include study on Helmut Kogginjwzk’s extensive experimentation with leader film as an artistic statement on the existence of God, and will be expected to give a critical analysis of Schönner Hedjviik’s sixty-four part anti-theorist Cinerama tone poem “In Desperation, My Canker Sores”. 2 Credits.
CINEMATOGRAPHY FOR THE BLIND
The Emergence of the darkened visual image: the history of the lightless (sometimes referred to, as first postulated by Petronius in ancient Greece as Ilostmymeterism, or later as developed into a modern aesthetic theory by Susan Sontag as Cinema Braille) camera in contemporary cinema marking a major emergence with the work of Gordon Willis and culminating in projection booths shutting down through lack of timely utility payments. Students will go through a rigorous twelve-part seminar on remembering to remove the lens cap and discussions on The Sundance Movement: Whether to Aim the Camera Toward the Action- Pro or Con? 1 Credit.
THE INTEGRATION OF COLOR INTO A SEGREGATED BLACK AND WHITE CINEMA
The study of historic racism in American cinema including the suppression of black talent and why white actors have no sense of rhythm. Course includes an extensive study of the emergence of ethnic stereotypes in American cinema and why Fu Manchu mustaches never look good with a dinner jacket. Students will study arcane cultural phenomena such as the Hollywood Magic Bullet Theory in which one projectile is able to travel with ballistic integrity through six Indians and Thor Heyerdahl’s study of the nomadic connection of ceremonial cosmetology between Al Jolson minstrel shows and the natives of Skull Island. Reading includes James Baldwin’s The Devil Finds Work and Simon Redchief’s Smoke Signals in Westerns as Pioneer Graffiti. Advanced course studies include the practice of severe taunting of the caucasian faculty and a boycott of Mrs. Butterworth pancakes in the university cafeteria. This seminar of Race Studies includes the viewing of “The Birth of a Nation”, “Jew Suss”, “”Goodbye Uncle Tom”, “Hallelujah” and “Grand Prix”. 1 Credit.
POPCORN AS A NARCOTIC
A study of the history of snacks and their relationship to the cinema. Students will follow the early theories of Dr. Clement Boll and his belief of popped corn kernels as a powerful hallucinogen, hypotheses later disproved by Galleck Weevil’s Nobel Prize study to be simply a sinus headache. Course study follows the evolution of snack bar refreshments and the disastrous marketing trial of 1937 at the Cattlestomp Theater in Rolled Oats, Idaho in which sixteen patrons perished during a sampling of chocolate covered veal chops. Students will taste test exotic varieties of international movie snacks and train in the proper method of smacking one’s lips after a refreshing sip of beverage. 2 Credits.