SPARE THE SACRED DAGGER, SPOIL THE CHILD: If Jesus was gracious enough to die for our sins, the least you can expect of the modern rotten brat sons of soulless computer generation hillbillies (except for those in Vermont, who manage to be hillbillies without possessing any of the advanced degrees the metropolitan sophisticates have in the fine art of how-to-lose-your-identity-on-the-internet-by-squandering-all-of-your-privacy-for-a-chance-to-win-a-subscription-to-Mother-Earth-News-by-revealing-your-personal-information-to-a-teen-hacker-from-Macedonia) is to apologize for spitting grape juice on your freshly laundered albino white toy poodle.
Going to the Chapel: Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, Nov. 2019 Edition, Vol. XXXI
This month’s offering comes with the dual purpose of pointing out the intellectual deficiencies of our readers (glad to do it) and to seek sanctuary from the incessant clutter of Big Indeterminate Gender Sibling political finger wagging aimed at my climatically fatal carbon footprint brought on by my insensitive toasting an English Muffin for breakfast. (Damn that Neville Chamberlain for his influential incursion on American eating habits!), How was I to know that the mere act of heating something on which I might smear the red raspberry hemlock marmalade received as a gift from by a grateful CSR staff immediately following their annual performance reviews and subsequent denial of pay raises, might suddenly initiate a staggering chain of events involving a 
Congressional call to arms (though only after an FBI background check and seven day waiting period) that has brought to fruition something called the Greenback New Deal in which the nation would defer from an the economy dependent on oil, coal, beef and pleasure into a more environmentally responsible society based solely on hamster wheels, indentured servant drawn rickshaws, fiddleheads and a mass desire for suicide as an alternative to enduring the publication of yet another fabulist “memoir” by that eminent and perpetual sore loser Hillary Clinton (a political version of direct-to-video trash if ever there were one)? Which brings us to this month’s edition of America’s most theologically obtuse brain teaser the Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, brought to you this and every month by the distributors of SKITTLES, America’s favorite breakfast candy. In this edition we celebrate that time honored place offering sanctuary without the inconvenience of combative, smelly junkie homeless, fascist Antifa thugs and entitled illegal aliens: the church and its many manifestations in the cinema; be it an ever so humble chapel or a massive cathedral, the church has existed in film as a place of solace, comfort and the occasional fraternal hijinks. The following twenty five images represent activities taking place within church walls within the wall of the equally humble (with good reason) movie theatre (there’s that Brit influence again). Your task is to identify all twenty five films, and not merely to show off your mental prowess (yeah, right), but to obtain a shiny new copy of the CSR Culture Shock Award, which will be awarded to the first reader capable of solving this visual bit o’ toffee, Guv’Nah (what?). Good luck.
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CHANDLER SWAIN REVIEWS 
Here goes. Wine-free, and a clear head!
1) Up. (I think that’s what it’s called. My grandson has that DVD.
2) Romeo+Juliet. (I thought it was bloody awful!)
3) True Confessions. (DeNiro!)
4) Pope Joan.
5) The Untouchables.
6) The Agony and The Ecstasy.
7) Notre Dame de Paris. (The Bells! The Bells! Anthony Quinn?)
8) A Man Called Peter. (Richard Todd starred. I think it’s a true story)
9) Exorcist 3. (I preferred the first one)
10) The Deer Hunter.
11) End Of Days. (Arnie!)
12) Beckett.
13) Family Plot. (As you know, I’m not that much of a Hitchcock fan, but I have seen it)
14) Tommy.
15) I Confess. (Another Hitchcock I have seen. Good cast.)
16) Shenandoah. (He’s wearing a Confederate uniform, so good clue.)
17) The Last Man On Earth. (Earlier version of The Omega Man)
18) Brother Sun, Sister Moon. (Zeffirelli!)
19) Don’t Look Now. (Loved that film!)
20) Jane Eyre. (Because I reckon that’s Fassbender)
21) The Cardinal. (That’s Tom Tryon, so it has to be that film.)
22) HIghlander. (Lambert is a good clue!)
23) Zulu. (Patrick Magee is the surgeon)
24) The Messenger. (I have the DVD)
25) Stigmata. (Got that DVD too, the one with the ‘alternate’ ending)
OK, professor. I will leave you to mark my paper, and deliver the bad news.
Best wishes, Pope Urban II
I’ve spotted a few straight off, which is a relief.
But I have run out of red wine, and will have to attempt the whole thing completely sober for once.
Back later, after walking Ollie in the delightful torrential rain.
Regards, Archbishop Makarios.
I’m only good for the easy ones. And maybe not even those. I’ll let Pete fill me in on what the others are.
2. Romeo + Juliet
5. The Untouchables
10. The Deer Hunter
12. Beckett
17. Last Man on Earth
25. Stigmata
19. Don’t Look Now