Sweet Sixteen Party, or: Men Bad- A Demented World of Women in Peril: Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, Special Congressional Misandry Edition, Vol. 37-24-36
Caught in a fashionable wave of gender activism, in which the very use of a formerly proper and utilitarian sex specific pronoun can, on many campuses of ironically labelled “higher learning”, earn the transgressor a punishment commiserate with that of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, is it any wonder that the male of the species enjoys a shorter average lifespan than his female counterparts, most certainly attributable to the voluntary erosion of the will to live after enduring the extended sharing of the planet with a tribe whose world view is defined by the acquisition of equality through subscriptions to O, The Oprah Magazine and a magnetic draw to every utterance by that strange gorgon-like creature in pantsuits who is identified (in hush monied tones) as the “It Takes A Village Idiot”? Which (for some unfathomable reason that defies the word “segue”) brings us to this month’s special edition of America’s most proudly efficient weapon in the anti-suffragette movement (next month, we resist Prohibition!), the Monthly Film Images Photo Quiz, brought to you this month by those fine makers of SKITTLES, America’s most popular non-medicinal cure for monthly feminine symptoms of grouchiness, accompanied by the increased desire to implement community-wide castration. In this edition we recognize the politically sensitive cinema and its enthusiastic lack of hesitation in licking its chops in depicting women in peril while putting aside a few moments during the annual Hollywood self-congratulation award season to extend a soiled hand in solidarity to the Me Too Movement; an ironic throwback to classic locker room chatter which goes as follows: “Hey Hank, I’m sick of my wife’s clucking.” “Me too, Dave.” (Transcripts of the preceding drama are available for school and institutional performance for a nominal fee from Samuel French. Mention CSR for a 10% discount!) The following sixteen images depict women in the throes of unflattering peril, from an onset of anxiety to a more permanent state of cessation of breath. It is up to you (and you damn well know who you are…. we know…. and we’re sending a securely confidential letter to that effect to Diane Feinstein straight away!) to identify all sixteen images, all the while remaining cognizant of the fact that all of women’s sufferings in life are caused by men… not just men…. white men!…. old white men!!…. alright, my Uncle Mort. But until society is “reshaped for the better” (uh oh, someone’s getting spanked and it ain’t O) by the rise of, and domination by women (Anyone else in the mood for a ripsnortin’ flash global catfight? But I digress.), the first to correctly identify all sixteen featured films will receive the coveted bipartisan fertility idol, the CSR Culture Shock Award. Good luck.