Sweet Sixteen Party, or: Men Bad- A Demented World of Women in Peril: Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, Special Congressional Misandry Edition, Vol.37-24-36


LEADING DOWN A TREACHEROUS PATH (or, IT’S ALL MEN’S FAULT): Despite the seemingly innocent context of this image, an increasing number of Democratic congresswomen, card carrying members of the sororal organization Congressional Representatives Against Male Pride (or C.R.A.M.P.) would surely identify this as proof to their claims that any intrusion of the Y chromosome (especially the bleached variety) into the life of any woman will inevitably lead to that woman’s cultural, psychological, intellectual and sexual demise with such severity that it may interrupt her daily viewing of Ellen. The again, many think we have entered a new Age of Women in which reason and placid maternal instincts will replace the reviled patriarchal traditions of Playboy Party Jokes and downtown public scratching; a promising philosophical bent best illustrated by paraphrasing that great modern philosopher Joy Behar: DO THOSE *%$^#& MEN *$&%^# AND THOSE *$&%& REPUBLICAN &%*$& WHITE %&$*%& THINK THEY ARE %&$^%*& GOING TO %&*$& KEEP $&*%&$ GETTING AWAY WITH ALL THIS %&^*%& &%^$*%* &%$* ??!!?; or to translate into plain English (press 2 for Español): it’s time for a massive delivery of haute couture straightjackets in assorted Ladies’ sizes 0 – 18.

Sweet Sixteen Party, or: Men Bad- A Demented World of Women in Peril:  Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, Special Congressional Misandry Edition, Vol. 37-24-36

    Caught in a fashionable wave of gender activism, in which the very use of a formerly proper and utilitarian sex specific pronoun can, on many campuses of ironically labelled “higher learning”, earn the transgressor a punishment commiserate with that of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, is it any wonder that the male of the species enjoys a shorter average lifespan than his female counterparts,  most certainly attributable to the voluntary erosion of thearrestedgif will to live after enduring the extended sharing of the planet with a tribe whose world view is defined by the acquisition of equality through subscriptions to O, The Oprah Magazine and a magnetic draw to every utterance by that strange gorgon-like creature in pantsuits who is identified (in hush monied tones) as the “It Takes A Village Idiot”? Which (for some unfathomable reason that defies the word “segue”) brings us to this month’s special edition of America’s most proudly efficient weapon in the anti-suffragette movement (next month, we resist Prohibition!), the Monthly Film Images Photo Quiz, brought to you this month by those fine makers of SKITTLES, America’s most popular non-medicinal cure for monthly feminine symptoms of grouchiness, accompanied by the increased desire to implement community-wide castration. In this edition we recognize the politically sensitive cinemaarrestedgif2 and its enthusiastic lack of hesitation in licking its chops in depicting women in peril while putting aside a few moments  during the annual Hollywood self-congratulation award season to extend a soiled hand in solidarity to the Me Too Movement; an ironic throwback to classic locker room chatter which goes as follows: “Hey Hank, I’m sick of my wife’s clucking.” “Me too, Dave.” (Transcripts of the preceding drama are available for school and institutional performance for a nominal fee from Samuel French. Mention CSR for a 10% discount!) The following sixteen images depict women in the throes of unflattering peril, from an onset of anxiety to a more permanent state of cessation of breath. It is up to you (and you damn well know who you are…. we know…. and we’re sending a securely confidential letter to that effect to Diane Feinstein straight away!) to identify all sixteen images, all the while remaining cognizant of the fact that all of women’s sufferings in life are caused by men… not just men…. white men!…. old white men!!…. alright, my Uncle Mort. But until society is “reshaped for the better” (uh oh, someone’s getting spanked and it ain’t O) by the rise of, and domination by women (Anyone else in the mood for a ripsnortin’ flash global catfight? But I digress.), the first to correctly identify all sixteen featured films will receive the coveted bipartisan fertility idol, the CSR Culture Shock Award. Good luck.





About chandlerswainreviews

I've been a puppet, a pirate, a pauper, a poet, a pawn and a king, not necessarily in that order. My first major movie memory was being at the drive-in at about 1 1/2 yrs. old seeing "Sayonara" so I suppose an interest in film was inevitable. (For those scoring at home- good for you- I wasn't driving that evening, so no need to alert authorities.)Writer, critic and confessed spoiler of women, as I have a tendency to forget to put them back in the refrigerator. My apologies.
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5 Responses to Sweet Sixteen Party, or: Men Bad- A Demented World of Women in Peril: Classic Film Images Photo Quiz, Special Congressional Misandry Edition, Vol.37-24-36

  1. beetleypete says:

    I have seen quite a few of these, so here goes.
    1) La polizia chiede aiuto. (Something about prostitutes, if I recall. It was a long time ago, and I had to check the spelling of the title.)
    2) Sympathy For Mr Vengeance. (I’m sure it’s from that trilogy, so going with that one.)
    3) One From The Heart. ( I love that film!)
    4) Solaris.
    5) No idea.
    6) Most Beautiful Island. (I have read about this film, so recognised the still, but I haven’t seen it.)
    7) Tie Me Up. Tie Me Down. (I have a soft spot for Almodovar’s films)
    8) Body Double. (A real guilty pleasure. I have seen it a lot!)
    9) Performance. (A very young James Fox.)
    10) Abus De Faiblesse. (Isabelle Huppert)
    11) Suspiria. (That Argento ‘red’. )
    12) Women In Love. (Saw that on release, and a few times after.)
    13) Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. (Terrible, but I was only about 17.)
    14) Nazi Sex Camp. (That’s probably not the original title, but it was called that on the VHS tape I watched. I suppose I should have said I had no idea, rather than confess to having seen it. 🙂 )
    15) A Dangerous Method. (Too-skinny Keira is easy to spot. I watched that on TV, but didn’t think it was all that.)
    16) Black Book. (An underrated WW2 film that I really enjoyed.)

    So, one I didn’t know at all, and one I know, but haven’t actually seen. Maybe 14/16, if my luck holds.

    Best wishes, Pete.

    • Alex Good says:

      Impressive as always. I think I only got four of these. But are you sure 9 is Performance? That surprised me.

      • beetleypete says:

        It might be a slip up, but my old eyes spotted who I thought was James Fox, and instinct made me go with that film. So, not sure at all, Alex. Maybe I should have added a question mark to my answer, and only claimed 13?
        Perhaps when I eventually get my cataracts removed, I can do better. 🙂
        As for the others, I watched a lot of often ‘dubious’ films in my younger days…
        Best wishes, Pete.

      • That’s a very sharp eye you have there.

    • Close. Very close. 13 out of 16. I think you’re on the right track with one of the misses, though I have not been able to verify your alternate title, so your public shaming was unnecessary (though we will include the information in your dossier, nonetheless) and one other I.D. is simply incorrect, though you have an ally with whom you might pay heed in this matter.

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