Black Gowns Matter: Hollywood Explains It All To You

HYPOCRISY IS THE NEW BLACK:  In the whirlwind grab-onto-any-headline-that will-make-you-sound-like-a-profound-thinker-without-the-benefit-of-having-to-learn-anything-about-the-subject-so-that-you-don’t-embarrass-yourself-with-disproportionately-inane-public-comments world known as the Hollywood movie award season, the semi-nude think tank conveys a timely lesson in the evils of sexually objectifying women to the Great Unwashed in typical “do as a dribble, not as I do” fashion by wearing the latest in superficial designer minimalist funeral wear at this year’s inaugural Movieland Pay for Play, aka the Golden Globe Awards ceremony. 

Black Gowns Matter: Hollywood Explains It All To You

      Ah, the Golden Globe Awards, that monument to critical integrity that once put Pia Zadora on the map by way of the deep pocket resources of the reckless Riklis empire plying the open mouths and greedy hands of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, that covert roster of carhops, failed escorts, personal trainers and fugitives from ICE, who determined that her stunning demonstration of the thespian art in the cinematic masterwork “Butterfly” (co-starring a beyond redemption Orson Welles, whose participation should have found him stripped of all career encomia and summarily beaten with the lost reels of “The Magnificent Ambersons”) was worthy of the bestowing of the title “New Star of the Year”. 


WHO’S IN CHARGE OF VETTING, NANCY? Hollywood’s current poster girl for the victimization of women, invited and welcomed guest Tonya Harding, as seen at the 2018 Golden Globe Awards, appropriately garbed in black, acknowledging the death of good taste (or judgment) in Hollywood. Was Leslie Van Houten unavailable?

    In this year’s evening of inebriation masquerading as philosophical profundity, the Golden Globe Awards celebrated the “Year of the Pissed Off B-List Actresses Fondled and Abused By the Best Friends of the Awards Industry Again Silenced, Supplanted and Left In the Dust By the Elite Meryl Streep Sewing Circle Who Knew It Was All Going On But Didn’t Want to Be Left Off of the V.I.P. Party List But Who, Nevertheless, Will Act Appropriately Outraged Damaged Anyway” with the evening presented with a special level of irony (lost, of course, on guess who?) as Hollywood chose to address the serious issue of the sexual harassment of women (one of the few products which Hollywood, ironically, has been historically successful at churning out year after year) by emphasizing their own silicon enhanced golden globes in ill-fitting open chested evening wear, but entirely in black so you know they are a serious social revolutionaries. (What??) If one were to take this same coterie of …

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About chandlerswainreviews

I've been a puppet, a pirate, a pauper, a poet, a pawn and a king, not necessarily in that order. My first major movie memory was being at the drive-in at about 1 1/2 yrs. old seeing "Sayonara" so I suppose an interest in film was inevitable. (For those scoring at home- good for you- I wasn't driving that evening, so no need to alert authorities.)Writer, critic and confessed spoiler of women, as I have a tendency to forget to put them back in the refrigerator. My apologies.
This entry was posted in Boston, cartoons, Culture, fantasy, juvenile delinquency, politics, psychiatry, Sex in Cinema, women and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Black Gowns Matter: Hollywood Explains It All To You

  1. beetleypete says:

    I do so tire of all this- belated- ‘protest’. Jump on a bandwagon, why don’t you?
    Or for preference, please just F**k Off.
    It’s all rather ‘precious’, don’t you think? And the films are mostly crap too, rather sadly.
    Best wishes, (very bored, and English) Pete.
    Is it any wonder I lament the demise of the modern ‘film industry’?

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